4 months on and I'm struggling to cope

New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

2 posts on this thread and the last post was on August 19th, 2010 4:35 PM by ah26

melissae1 - July 17th, 2010 8:39 AM

I had a m/c on the 17th March at 7 weeks, the same day a close friend had her beautiful baby boy. My partner and I were devastated, he having had cancer twice, we were unsure if we would ever get pregnant.
I went through all the 'text book' emotions - sheer grief, denial, anger, feeling distant, wanting to get pregnant again immediately, then terrified at the thought, resenting pregnant friends, starting to heal and talking about it, embracing the future and feeling positive...

BUT I have hit a brick wall. I am crying myself to sleep at night, dreaming of babies constantly, having nightmares about the miscarriage, and I am pushing my partner away(even though I love him so much and e is incredibly supportive).

I am so confused as I was doing so well, I really thought I had turned a corner and was beginning to heal, but now I feel like I'm going mad.

Has this happened to anyone else?

melissae1 - August 14th, 2010 10:40 AM

Kerry, I'm really sorry to hear about your loss and I hope will begin to feel better soon.

I have taken some advice from the Miscarriage association who are brilliant. I suggest joining a forum over there and also reading the information on their site as they have really helped me.

Also, talking to one of my friends who has also had a miscarriage has helped to. She is the only person who I feel has any sort of understanding with what we've been through. Happily for her she has now gone on to have a baby, so it has given me hope.

I have since had 4 people tell me they are pregnant and it is hard to swallow but coping with the pain is getting a little easier.

I am also now trying to get pregnant again and after 3 months of 'no joy' have realised I was putting too much pressure on myself and my partner and have decided to see how things go over the next few months. I have banned ovulation monitors and pregnancy tests from the house as I just feel it was making me crazy.

I think that they only person who truly knows if you are ready to start trying for a baby again is you and your partner. You will always love the baby you lost but you will in time learn to find a place for the feelings of sadness.

I wish you lots of luck for the future and please talk to someone as it really helps.

Peace and light
Melissa

ah26 - August 19th, 2010 4:35 PM

I understand what you are both going through. I also lost my baby but mine was born in March of last year and im still struggling to carry on.
My situation was a little different in the fact that i had to have an induced misscarrage as our baby had many problems. It was still heartbreaking, and after a long labour i gave birth to our beautiful baby.
I've found it so hard to get on with life and had become obsessed with getting pregnant again as i thought that's the only way i can ever feel a bit of happiness again but i feel that i've been so wrapped up in the whole baby making that me and my partner are drifting appart.
It gave me a little comfort to hear that you've also been in a similar situation and have been buying all the ov kits and pg tests and that you've banned them fromyour house. I decided to ban them at the beg of the week too and have decided i have to try and push it all to one side for now in order to save our relationship and get it back to how it used to be.
Have you had any councelling?