for me it is not necessary to really understand the mother's feeling but what is important is to be able to be there for her. in my case i had benefited from counseling.

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In my opinion, these people who want to support and help ease the feeling of loss by the mothers have no intention of hurting them. Maybe you have a point JaneGirl but there are really times when it is not their fault if they don't have the idea of how the do's and dont's.

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I think what JaneGirl is trying to show here is there are really those who are insensitive of the mother's feelings and although they unintentionally do that, they should still be advised of the correct way of dealing with the situation.

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That is right Katrina.

Some may give presents to mothers and should be sensitive enough to know which gifts to give so as not to offend the mother.

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I agree but what I trying to say is that it is not their fault if they don't know the proper way to support the mother and it is not their required responsibility to learn it too.

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I think you thought that this thread is pressuring friend and family from knowing the do's and dont's but that is not the intention here.

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Not exactly, I just think that it is the mothers effort to just understand those who have no experience in the loss and if possible just call their attention about it.

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Thanks for the posts. I have no intention on who is responsible to learn the right way to support. I just wanted to have a sharing on the common mistakes of supporting a mother who has loss a child in order to avoid it.

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yeah this is helpful because sometimes there are people who are really insensitive of how will the mother feel. the stage of having a loss is really hard to cope with so it should be worsen by such act.

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"the stage of having a loss is really hard to cope with so it should be worsen by such act."

Hi --cristy-- what did you mean by your statement above?

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oh i'm sorry, that should have been -- the stage of having a loss is really hard to cope with so it should not be worsen by such act.

thanks for asking janegirl.

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No problem --cristy--, I just got a little confused. Thanks!

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we should be sensitive about this because it will also contribute to the recovery of the person.like in my case, i'm glad that everybody around me gives support that really helped me.i was also exposed to counseling so it made the recovery fast and easy.

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My daughter had the loss and as a mother I tried everything I can to comfort her. I guess I don't need to experience the loss in order to understand how she feels. It was enough that I am her mother that I can understand what she needs.

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Don't say the following lines in comforting:

"Everything happens for a reason" - not unless you really know the reason for the loss that can make her feel better

"God has a plan" - you should leave God and religion out of the story.

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I WOULD SUGGEST AVOID DICTATING WHAT THE MOTHER SHOULD AND SHOULD NOT FEEL. IT WOULD IRRITATE A LOT AND GIVE MORE FRUSTRATION.

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