Today will be nearly 12 weeks since i miscarried. I was only six weeks gone, but the baby was wanted so much and loved beyond compare before it was even conceived. I am suffering from very severe depression at the moment. I've gone to bed tonight and have been unable to sleep. I wrote a book of poems after my miscarriage and for some reason (even though i haven't thought about the miscarriage in a while) wanted to read this book tonight. I haven't been able to find it and i just broke down. My partner thinks i'm mad, ive been crying and screaming and it kills me not to be able to read this book right now. I just want to be able to look at it and hold it, almost as if it were my baby. I have another child who is a year old and she is away staying with my sister tonight and i cant help but wonder if its her not being here that has brought this on. I think that if she were here and i could go look at her then i would be alright. but as it stands all i can do is cry right now and think of how great a loss this is. I should be happy right now, stroking my belly and maybe being able to feel my baby kick and move about now. But instead all i feel is empty. im so scared and upset right now. And i dont think that anything will ever help me get over this grief, just that maybe somethings will gget in the way of me being able to think about the baby. and in some ways i dont want to get over it, this was supposed to be my child, how dare something take her away from me? she was mine to keep and i just want her back so bad, i want her back in my belly, please give her back. i need to feel her here, i need to feel something.