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2nd miscarriage
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lauraj - April 29

I found out last week i was pregnant and although it was sooner than me and my boyfriend had expected it was good. Then at the beginning of this week i had slight spotting which has gotten progressively heavier. Got a scan tomorrow to confirm if im having a miscarriage. I know im being a pessimist but i know its not going to be good news tomorrow.

This is my fourth pregnancy, my 1st ending in miscarriage, my 2nd with my son and my 3rd ended with an abortion.

My boyfriend is refusing to think that there is anything to worry about at the moment and is telling me to stop thinking negatively but its so hard. My emotions are bouncing from one end of the scale to the other and i keep blaming myself.

With my 1st miscarriage i felt so heartbroken by it i never wanted to get pregnant again but got pregnant with my son by accident. I was a complete mess until i had my 20 week scan and was assured that my baby was perfectly fine. My 3rd pregnancy was aborted and i ended up in counseling to try and deal with it. In my head this miscarriage is my punishment for the abortion. I cant stop crying. Everywhere i turn there are babies or pregnancies. I have to try and keep everything normal for my son but he is at an age where his friends at school are getting younger siblings and is asking when is he going to get a baby brother or sister.

Out of all my friends and family i am the only one who has suffered a miscarriage and i know it sounds horrible and i feel guilty for thinking it but they have no idea what it feels like knowing something has died inside you.

 

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