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Alone
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xukxgem - July 12

About 5 days ago i had a miscarriage, i'm 19 and just a week before my miscarriage i found out i was about 10 weeks pregnant. Me and my partner sat and talked and thought about it over a few days and decided that the best thing to do was to terminate the pregnancy. However, just 2 days before my doctors appointment i started getting stomach pains and the day after the pains, i started bleeding and i was in alot of pain. I went to the doctors the next day and she said i was most likely having a miscarriage, i was in the hospital for 2 days. I've been struggling to cope with it since but my partners been with me and its really helped me. Tonight is the first night i've not been with him, and im really just struggling with everything, i feel so guilty and i know it sounds ridiculous but i feel like the baby hated me and thats why i miscarried just a couple days before my doctors appointment. I know that the pregnancy was going to be terminated but once i got into hospital and once it all seemed real i wanted to keep it, i wanted to protect it but i couldnt do anything. I feel empty, me and my partner want to wait for a few more years to get pregnant but i just feel like i'm waiting a lifetime and its the only thing i'm looking forward to but i'm terrified of having another miscarriage. I just cant stop crying and i cant even eat properly, there was so much i didn't do for it. I cant believe its just gone without even a life for it and it was mine. I need some help with coping

 

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