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Confussed and down.
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emmamole - August 8

Hi,

I'm new to this site.

Two weeks today i had to birth our baby, due to anencephaly. We were 13 weeks and 6 days through the pregnancy.

Two days before, we went for our first scan and that's when we were told that our baby had anencehaly. It's a lethal deformity and we were told what we needed to do next.

After everything being confirmed, i had a take and tablet. We came home and then on the sunday we went back for the rest of the procedure.

We arrived at the hospital at 9am and were back at my parents home for 4.30pm. The pain physically was unbearable but i managed to do what was asked of me with no more than one paracetomol. I felt numb during this day.

We are no two weeks on and i feel terrible. Physically, the bleeding has nearly stopped just a dark brown discharge and ny boobs are leaking. Emotionally.... well, i have no idea how im doing.

My husband went back to work on thursday. We have been shopping, i have been to the hairdressers. I popped into work for 20 minutes last week for a chat, but felt awful when i left. Work have been great and have told me to take as much time as i need. (I work with people who claim health benefits).

I have understood all the way though this terrible time what was happening but felt like i was watching it and it wasn't really hapening to me. Until the other day, i was talking to my mom about her telling someone about me and hubby. "My daughter lost her baby", omg this was me, i have lost my baby. I have never thought about it that way, but this was happening to me. I was now emma, the one who lost her baby.

My family have been great though all of this, but i do feel that they are trying to get me back to 'normal' what ever that is sooner than i am ready.

When will i be back to myself? will i ever?

When will the physical things stop?

When will i be ready to go back to work?

When will i be ready to try for another baby?

Will i be able to have a normal pregnancy?

So many questions, but does anyone know the answers?

I feel like im putting on an act for everyone so that they think that im ok, i want to cry but that's not going to help.

What helped you? Any suggestions?

 

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