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Heartbroken
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miangel - January 7

Hi Ladies,


Im heart broken too. I had a miscarriage on Dec 23, like some of you guys i was also surprised because getting pregnant was not in my plans; but i realized my baby was a blessing and i wanted to be as happy as if i was planning on it. It all started very weird because on Nov 2 i went to my doc and yeah i was pregnant, the young lady told me i was about 5 weeks. When the doc came in i told him that i had done a pregnancy test at home and i knew i was pregnant but i had been spotting. I told him i was very concerned because i had a miscarriage before in 08 and i did not want to hurt once more. While he was doing the papsmear he was telling me that my uterus might have been getting rid of old blood. There was an akward quiet moment then he rushed the nurse to get him a container and told me i had miscarried. I felt like a sharp object going straight through my heart. I didnt know what to say or do i just cried. The doc told me that it was something chromosomal. But at that point i was blank. They did a follow up the next day, i had blood drawn. I called the next day to get the results and i was asked to go in again because my count was going higher as if i was still pregnant. The next time it was higher they decid to do an us and the nurse says theres a heart beat i said are you sure, she rushed and called the doctor. My doc said yes theres a heart beat, he said its a MIRACLE!!!! He told me maybe they were twins and i had lost one. Well i didnt know what to think i was shocked but i was very happy to give my bf the news. He was very excited also. On dec 8 while i was at work i felt the need to urinate, while on the toilet i felt something coming and it was a big blood clot, i called the office immediately i was told to go home and rest because they couldnt really do anything. By the time i made it home i was devasted and in tears hoping for the best. The next day i called my doc office and spoke with the head nurse she told me to go in for a check up. I had an us and doc said everything looked fine, and that the baby was in the right place. So i asked why the bleeding he said it might be your uterus growing. He said take it easy and no sex. My next appointment was on Jan 6. Well I didnt make and til this day i cant stop thinking what could i have done different, what did i do wrong???? I miscarried in the ER, the nurse said Dont be sad God knows Why !? But that doesnt ease my pain im hurt and im heart broken because I dont know why!!!!! My bf has been really understanding he tries to cheer me up but i know inside he is hurting just like me. This was our second miscarriage. The hardest part is being at work because theres a co-worker with a pregnant wife and two co-workers pregnant. One which i was 5 days behind!!!! I just dont seem to find the door to all my pain!!!!!

 

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