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I need someone that understands...
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ialicea80 - March 1

On Feb. 1st I found out I was pregnant with my second baby and we were elated to say the least. I was spotting a little but had heard that could be normal so I was not very concern. I called the doctor and because it was too early they were going to monitor my HCG levels. Even though I continued spotting my HCG levels were normal. As the first week went by I started feeling worse and the spotting would turn into bleeding at times And I was just not feeling right. Finally my HCG levels were high enough that they though they could see something. In that first ultrasound they saw the sac but nothing in it, they though well is too early. Meanwhile I kept bleeding heavier. Then a few days later I started feeling intense pains and called the doctor and they scheduled me for an ultrasound the next day. It turned out it was an ectopic pregnancy. I had the operation and lost my right tube. Even though everyone has been supportive I hate hearing the "it was meant to be " "you know there was no other choice". I understand that but all I remember is that day I found out I was pregnan and how happy I was. It was my baby whom I spoke to already. I found out my cousin is pregnant and I want to be happy but I can't because I should be pregnant. I have even resigned my job because I just want to be home with my daughter and try to heal, because she still helps me crack that smile, she is the only that can. Some people make it seem because it was so early and it was an ectopic pregnancy I should be able to easily accept and be fine, because I can always get pregnant. That is not how heart feels, I feel like a part of me is gone, and that I should not be this upset but I am. How can I move past this?

 

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