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Learn What to do to Support
24 Replies
JaneGirl - December 18

Oftentimes as friends and relatives of the person experiencing the loss, we unintentionally hurt their feelings. What are the do's and dont's for giving support or comments to the person?

 

quo - December 18

for me it is not necessary to really understand the mother's feeling but what is important is to be able to be there for her. in my case i had benefited from counseling.

 

Xpressbaby - December 18

In my opinion, these people who want to support and help ease the feeling of loss by the mothers have no intention of hurting them. Maybe you have a point JaneGirl but there are really times when it is not their fault if they don't have the idea of how the do's and dont's.

 

kAtRiNa - December 18

I think what JaneGirl is trying to show here is there are really those who are insensitive of the mother's feelings and although they unintentionally do that, they should still be advised of the correct way of dealing with the situation.

 

Honeydee - December 18

That is right Katrina.

Some may give presents to mothers and should be sensitive enough to know which gifts to give so as not to offend the mother.

 

Xpressbaby - December 18

I agree but what I trying to say is that it is not their fault if they don't know the proper way to support the mother and it is not their required responsibility to learn it too.

 

kAtRiNa - December 18

I think you thought that this thread is pressuring friend and family from knowing the do's and dont's but that is not the intention here.

 

Xpressbaby - December 18

Not exactly, I just think that it is the mothers effort to just understand those who have no experience in the loss and if possible just call their attention about it.

 

JaneGirl - December 20

Thanks for the posts. I have no intention on who is responsible to learn the right way to support. I just wanted to have a sharing on the common mistakes of supporting a mother who has loss a child in order to avoid it.

 

--cristy-- - December 20

yeah this is helpful because sometimes there are people who are really insensitive of how will the mother feel. the stage of having a loss is really hard to cope with so it should be worsen by such act.

 

JaneGirl - December 20

"the stage of having a loss is really hard to cope with so it should be worsen by such act."

Hi --cristy-- what did you mean by your statement above?

 

--cristy-- - December 20

oh i'm sorry, that should have been -- the stage of having a loss is really hard to cope with so it should not be worsen by such act.

thanks for asking janegirl.

 

JaneGirl - December 20

No problem --cristy--, I just got a little confused. Thanks!

 

quo - December 20

we should be sensitive about this because it will also contribute to the recovery of the person.like in my case, i'm glad that everybody around me gives support that really helped me.i was also exposed to counseling so it made the recovery fast and easy.

 

MoM - December 20

My daughter had the loss and as a mother I tried everything I can to comfort her. I guess I don't need to experience the loss in order to understand how she feels. It was enough that I am her mother that I can understand what she needs.

 

Lipstick - December 21

Don't say the following lines in comforting:

"Everything happens for a reason" - not unless you really know the reason for the loss that can make her feel better

"God has a plan" - you should leave God and religion out of the story.

 

MOELA - December 21

I WOULD SUGGEST AVOID DICTATING WHAT THE MOTHER SHOULD AND SHOULD NOT FEEL. IT WOULD IRRITATE A LOT AND GIVE MORE FRUSTRATION.

 

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