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wishes the pain would end
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chloe - June 24

I lost my baby 3rd May, I was a week away from my first scan. I had been bleeding a couple of weeks before, though midwife and doctor said it was normal. It got worse, and I knew it was over. I havent cried so much in my life. I had an abortion when I was just 18, i thought id made the right decision at the time, I was too young.I havent let myself forget one day since, and it has been myonly regret. I was so happy when my partner and I decided to start a family. I have now lost 2 babies, I blame myself, I worry my decision when I was 18 caused my recent loss. I hate myself, I hate my life now, and im angry, always angry. Ive got a hole that cant be filled, I find myself not caring about anything. Im drinking more, eating more, or not at all. My emotions are all over the place, and it feels like im alone. I just want my baby, id give anything up to just be able to have a baby, healthy, happy baby. Why does it have to be this had, and does it ever get easier...

 

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