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Not telling partners abt herpes
48 Replies
ataglance - October 27

One of myf friends has genital herpes but she doesn't (or won't) tell her partners that she has herpes. She feels that if they don't ask, she's not going to tell because she doesn't have many outbreaks anyway. Plus, she says that she doesn't have an outbreak so it can't be passed along. Is it true that as long as there is no visable outbreaks, she doesn't have to tell people? This has caused a big problem with our relationship b/c I think she is being irresponsible.


Natsu - October 27

Well, in terms of if she should tell people, that's a moral decision. But I think the answer is clear if she put herself into their shoes. Would she like it if they infected her with something? I'm sure she would not.


Oblivion - October 27

About not being able to transmit the virus without outbreaks, that is patently wrong. It's true that avoiding outbreaks helps, but asymptomatic shedding is very common, and she is putting anyone she is with at risk.


erza - October 27

It is absolutely not true that if she is not having an outbreak she will not pass the virus along.


Luffy - October 27

She is being extremely irresponsible and potentially passing this along to her partners.


ginger - October 29

Asymptomatic shedding occurs when you do not have an outbreak but the virus is still active. Most cases of HSV are contracted during these periods. This means even if she is not have an OB she can still pass the virus to her partners.


Oblivion - October 29

Does she have hsv1 genitally or hsv2? If she isn't sure - she needs to be pursuing a further work up to find out. It's not always hsv2 just because it's below the belt.


kmx414 - October 30

If she has hsv1 genitally then it's important for her to know her partner's hsv2 status especially because she can still contract hsv2 which would most likely result in more frequent recurrences.


Lelouch - October 30

If she has hsv2 - studies have found that you are shedding the same amount of virus whether you have 0 ob's a year or 10 ob's a year.


alittlejaded - October 30

A lack of obvious ob's doesn't mean that she is "safer" than the next gal who has herpes. She's just as contagious as I am and I have frequent ob's if I"m not on suppressive therapy.


concerned15312 - October 30

If she has hsv1 genitally then she's not shedding as often but it's still a risk especially since she might have hsv1 orally too to think about too. She should be talking to her partner about that too.


lupitav - October 30

it's totally her choice whether she informs partners about her herpes or not prior to being intimate.


besafe - October 31

Does she know her risk of contracting hiv is 3-4x/higher since she has genital herpes? I'm guessing that she's not asking them about their std status and asking them to get tested either. It's just as much about her safety as her partner's safety!!


Natsu - October 31

Also there's the whole trust issue - don't tell from the gitgo then you end up potentially having to talk about it further into the relationship and then usually the partner feels betrayed.


Vance2335 - October 31

It doesn't get any easier to talk about it the longer you put it off.


Lelouch - October 31

I agree. One worst case scenerio - she's pregnant and in labor and brings it up ( or her doc mentions it in front of her husband ) and there is she needing her partner by her side and he's off pissed all to helll that he's just now finding out she has genital herpes.


worried - October 31

I've tried it both ways and even though it's hard to talk about it before I"m intimate with someone - it's far, far, FAR easier than having to either lie out your *** that you didn't know you had it after you've transmitted it to a partner or have to look them in the eye and tell them yes you knew you had it but didn't tell them about it. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life!!! It's a lesson I"ve never repeated.



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