Infertility and Emotion
If you've been trying to have a baby for quite awhile and have been unsuccessful, you may be going through many emotions. Most people with fertility issues find that they deal with a rollercoaster of emotions each month, particularly if they are undergoing fertility testing or fertility treatments. With each treatment, there is anticipation and hope that maybe this time it will work. With each failed treatment, there is an incredible amount of disappointment and frustration. Fertility issues can also put a great deal of stress on the relationship and can break couples apart.
Depression and Infertility
The director of the Mind/Body Center for Women's Health at Boston IVF, Alice D. Domar, Ph.D. believes that depression can adversely influence a woman's ability to get pregnant. When women realize that they have fertility issues, they often encounter depression. They have a feeling of helplessness and frustration. This frustration becomes even more compounded if they start to undergo fertility treatments and see that they aren't working. Should you feel depressed, it is very important to speak to your fertility specialist, to a social worker or psychologist/psychiatrist, and to consider other ways to cope with your depression. You might decide to take yoga or pilates classes, to listen to relaxation tapes, to try medication for your depression or to use other ideas.
Couples and Infertility
Infertility creates a great deal of stress on a couple. Rather than enjoying their intimacy, couples often begin to feel pressured during their intimate moments. Each encounter becomes charged with fear, anticipation, frustration and more. Unfortunately, the more stress that the couple puts on themselves, the harder it is conceive. It is very important for couples to communicate their emotions with each other, to try to alleviate stress through exercise, relaxation tapes, couples therapy and other outlets.
Nosy Friends and Family
It's often very difficult to deal with the questions that well-meaning people ask. When you've been married for a while, people may begin to get nosy. They will ask all sorts of questions about when you will start trying to have kids, and this may be very difficult for you. Your friends may also ask questions and may be insensitive to the fertility difficulties that you are having. In these situations, it is very important for you to decide how you want to respond to people. You can ignore their questions or be blunt with your difficulties. Whatever you decide to do, know that there is nothing to be embarrassed about, and that you don't owe an explanation to anyone for why you don't have children yet.
Watching Others Have Children
You may also find it very difficult as your friends begin to have families. Watching people your age successfully get pregnant and give birth is not going to be easy for you and your partner. It is very important for you to try to be encouraging to your friends and be there for them - they did not create your problem. However, you also have the right to distance yourself a bit from their excitement if it's too painful. You'll need to find a balance between keeping your friendship and showing excitement for your friends' changing lives, and keeping yourself emotionally healthy and able to cope.
Infertility emotions are very real and ever changing for a couple. It is important to recognize that you are going through a great deal and to keep the channels of communication open between you and your partner. Your goal is to get through this experience and to conceive a child, but it is also to remain a healthy couple and a happy person in the process.
You may also want to consider alternative methods for having a family like adopting a child.