Five Tips to Deal with Miscarriage Grief
After the hopes and expectations associated with a pregnancy, it’s perfectly normal to go through a grieving process over the loss. Pregnancy is a wonderful stage in a woman’s life and it’s very surprising, sad and disruptive when all of these hopes are taken from you. There are certain classic stages of grief that most people go through – whether they’ve lost a baby or someone else – and it’s important to know about these stages. These stages include denial, anger, guilt, depression and then finally acceptance. There is no formula for how long each stage should take you, and no written rules about the process. You may find yourself successfully moving along the process, at times, and suddenly get thrown back into an early stage by a memory or an image that you see. This is normal. Here are some important tips for dealing with your miscarriage grief and with these stages.
1. Communicate with your partner
Don’t keep all of your feelings inside! Your partner is probably experiencing similar feelings, and it’s very important to share your feelings with him. A miscarriage can create a rift between people if they don’t keep the communication open and honest. You may find that you grieve longer than he does – just make sure that you both understand that this is a process and that you do not have to keep the same pace with your feelings.
2. Communicate in other ways
Along with your partner, you should find other outlets to communicate your feelings. You may gain solace by finding a support group of women who have also had miscarriages. Sometimes, just by talking to friends, you’ll begin to see how many other people have had similar experiences. 15% of pregnancies end in miscarriage – so you are not alone with your experience. You may want to seek professional counseling if you think that it will help you to deal with your feelings. Perhaps a journal or a blog will help you to write down your emotions and to work through your experiences. You may also find solace in other women’s blogs – there are many blogs that deal with miscarriage.
3. Create a Tangible Memory
It’s often very difficult to move beyond an experience that has no tangible marker. If you’ve miscarried, there isn’t a grave to visit or pictures of the baby to look at. Try to think of a tangible marker that will help you in your grief. You might want to create a memory book of your pregnancy. Maybe you want to plant a tree in your backyard where you can sit, in years to come, to think about the baby.
4. Take Care of Yourself
While grieving, it’s important to pamper yourself and to remember to take care of your physical needs. Try to eat well, to exercise regularly and to get enough rest. Exercise can greatly help your emotional state and your energy level. While one woman might enjoy the calming effect of yoga, another will love the high energy of aerobics. Whatever you enjoy – do it and get out of the house!
5. Work on Gratitude
We all have areas of our lives that are depressing, and we all have areas that are wonderful. While grieving, it can be very helpful to focus on your gratitude. If you already have children, it’s important to concentrate your energy on them and to be grateful for what you have. This doesn’t diminish your grief, but it’s very helpful to focus your energy on positive, concrete gratitude when you can. If you don’t have children, try to focus your energy on other areas of your life where you are grateful. Try to keep a gratitude journal and write down things each day that you are grateful to have.
Most of the time, there is nothing that you could have done to prevent a miscarriage. This is simply one of the many things that occur to many women in the process of trying to have children. Let go of any guilt that you have, and focus your energy on the future. Hopefully, you’ll be able to look back on this experience, eventually, as simply one bump in the road to creating your beautiful child. You’ll strengthen your bond with your partner and will be amazed by how much the experience helps you to grow.