Adoption After Infertility
There are times when nothing can be done about your infertility. No matter how many doctors you see, and how many rounds of IVF you try, your body is simply not getting pregnant. When the reality of this situation sets in, you might want to consider adoption. Adopting a child will allow you to have your much longed for child, and to help a child to find a home. It is very important to be 100% committed to the idea of adopting a child before you do so, and to understand exactly what adopting a child will mean for you and your partner.
Questions to Consider
Before committing to the idea of adopting, you need to consider a number of questions and think them out with your partner. How do you feel about not being genetically related to your child? Do you see yourself telling your child about the adoption, and helping your child to understand his origins and original culture/religion? Are you open to dealing with birth parent issues that might arise? Are you ready to feel comfortable and satisfied raising this child? Do you want to put all of your energy into adoption, or are you going to try to consider fertility treatments as well?
Different Types of Adoption
There are many different ways to adopt a child. You can try to adopt a child from an orphanage or from the foster system in the country where you already live. You might seek out an adoption from another country, particularly from a country where there are many children who need to be adopted such as in China, Russia and South America. You might decide to adopt an older child, or may resolve that you really have your heart set on raising an infant. It is important to speak with an adoption specialist and with a lawyer before committing to any type of adoption and to any child. In some cases, adoption can be a very lengthy and expensive process, and it's vital that you know what you are doing before you begin.
Clear Goals
Once you've decided that you do want to adopt, try to create a concrete set of goals for yourself that you can present to the adoption agency or lawyer with whom you work. Make sure to decide exactly what age child you are willing to take. You need to be specific about how long you hope to wait (although your wish may not be realized, but it's good to set a deadline). For instance, you can tell your adoption specialist that you are only willing to take a newborn and you're willing to wait up to two years for one. You might want to say that you're willing to take a child up to age three, but you'll only take one that you know to be healthy. Figure out how much money you are willing to spend on adoption. Sometimes, if you find a pregnant woman who wants to give up her baby, you'll be able to pay for her medical expenses and adopt the child. Other times, you'll need to fly to a foreign country once or twice to see and then pick up the child. Figure out exactly how much money you can spend and be specific with this amount. Consider if you're only willing to take a child of the same nationality, religion, and culture that you have, or if you are willing to take any child at all. Perhaps you fall somewhere in the middle. Once you've set your goals, write them down. Bring this with you to any meetings that you have with your adoption expert, with lawyers, or with anyone else and keep reminding yourself of your goals.
Adoption is a beautiful thing to do. You are giving a child a home and are creating a family for yourself. It's important, however, to move beyond your infertility frustration and grief before deciding to adopt. You need to be comfortable with the decision to adopt and feel that you are doing it for the right reasons - and not because you're settling. Adoption can be a lengthy and difficult process, but the end results can be beautiful and forever rewarding. Keep this in mind as you make your decision together as a couple and decide how you want to try to create the family that you desire.
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