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I didn't think I would but I'm smiling again
5 Replies
kimbers - September 29

I lost my first baby at 9 weeks in May 2012, 2 weeks before my 27 birthday. The father of the baby decided a month before I found out I was pregnant that it wasn't working and ended things. I had great friends and family as a support network but that still didn't stop the hurt or guilt. I'd been bleeding so attended hospital, the thought of dread rushed through my body and lingered until I was told 'your baby no longer has a heartbeat' they then took me for a D&C. I have never cried so much or been so scared, all I wanted was a hug and for someone to tell me everything was ok or that I was living a dream. I was at the hospital on my own and was a complete mess, not knowing why and just blaming myself. I didn't want to go to sleep as I knew the reality would be that I'd wake up without my baby. This hit me hard. I woke up and felt empty and totally numb. After a few weeks had passed I met a guy who lives in the same town as me and I'd known of him and his family. He asked my friend for my number and got in touch, at first I was adament that nothing should happen but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and I went round for coffee. We hit it off and I eventually explained to him what I'd been through and he was so supportive. I'd also made the decision to fill a life long dream to travel Asia and Australia, again he was great and explained that he wanted make my last few weeks in the UK the best ever and to make me happy again. This happened and we had such a great time, all the time I never forgot about my baby, the little one was always with me in my thoughts but he helped me so much. I returned from my travels early to see how things would develop between us and I realised I still needed to address my loss and sought help and I am now talking about what happened and I'm also writing my own journal and I wrote a peom that I keep with me all the time. Writing helps me to vent my feelings and frustration, It's taught me to keep looking forward. Here's my poem....

'Little one you brought so much joy but your life was so short,
Taken in a flash, an empty feeling fills that space.
I will never know the joy of your laughter or the shine of your smile,
I'll never be able to kiss your delicate forehead goodnight or stroke your soft hair,
I will never see you grown but now I've got to be brave,
But little one you will be in my thoughts forver.'


crystalbaby - June 9

geez i am so emotional right now. reading your post makes me cry. the poem, it's touching.. i am sorry for your loss, i know how much hurting you are right now but i want you to know that everything will be okay soon. you're a brave woman. keep on writing. take care.


toneth - September 11

wow! how my eyes are filled with tears right now.. i cannot imagine how you cope up with everything.. God Bless you more..


xenia - November 13

touching poem. I wish y personal happiness, all yr dreams come true, to have as many babies as y want with the best man under the sun. And a part of yr soul has gone with yr baby but still there is space for future love


cindy - May 15

hi there, how are you? I hope you are doing great. I am truly moved by your story. I am sorry for your loss. you are truly and inspiration for all the women going through this problem. you are a really strong person. I, myself went through the phase. where I had 4 miscarriages. I lost all hope. that is when I decided to go with surrogacy. I have never been so happy. now that I am a mother of a very cute baby girl. I think surrogacy is a great option for you as well. I hope that becomes a mother soon, cheers.


Anisa - May 20

Hey. I am sorry for your loss. I, myself went through this phase. I had Miscarriage in my early married life. Later I found out I had Crervix Incompetence. Due to which I was left Infertile. Its really a worst feeling of being infertile. I was so helpless. I had no other options left. I didn't want to go for unnatural methods. As they were not legal in our country. Then one of my friends suggested me to go for Surrogacy. She implied that by this method you will have your own biological baby. So decided to go For Surrogacy in Europe as it's not legal in our country. There i found healthy and cooperative Surrogate. She gave birth to our child. I am so happy and blessed to have her. Go for it, I hope it works out for you too.



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