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less than 1 week ago had a misscarriage not coping well!!
2 Replies
laurax_947 - April 12

On the 1st April 2010, i felt excited and also nervous as i was about to go for my first scan!! Everything i thought was normal as i had been experiencing all the pregnancy symptoms you could think of, feeling sick all day long, bleeding of the gums, heartburn etc. So i felt there was not much i needed to be nervous about.

Although i am a worrier therefore had slightly felt nervous.

Went into the room where the midwife told me to lie on the bed, i waited and felt the anxious feeling as the midwife seemed anxious and kept rolling the scanner over my tummy as though she could not find anything!!

She then asked me questions such as "so you have had no bleeding?" and "you definately think your pregnant?" well then i know that there was sumthing very wrong!

She then told me not to be too worried as the scanner she was using wasnt 'the best'!! how an earth she could ever think i would not worry after she asked me those previous questions i do not know!! she then sent me to a better hospital where i was scanned again!!

The sonographer said that she was not happy to diagnose a misscarriage as she said the gestational sac was present but the fetus wasnt and this can sometimes happen if the dates are wrong!! (which i sort of clung onto although i knew my dates could not be wrong as you do in those sort of situations!!)

But then she took me to another sonographer who told me that it did look like i had what was called a blighted ovum!! where the sac grows but the baby doesnt for sum reason; may be down to chromosomes!!

I felt devasted the day that i had been lookin forward to had turned into the worst day of my life!! i shud have been going home showing people a pic of my little baby!! instead i had to wait to talk to a midwife to discuss my options!!

I had to consider whether i wanted to have the tablets which would help me to miscarry but sometimes the tablets did not work and i had the risk of seeing bits of the pregnancy as it came away!

Or the d/c where i went down for an operation where they would use a devise to vaccum what remains where left!! this had a small risk of damaging my womb!!!

i had these decisions to make even tho i did not want to go through any of them!!

meanwhile i had to cope with the loss of my baby and the loss of my future as since i had found out my whole world had been centred around my lil belly!!! and all the things that i had to do to make sure that when the baby comes everything was set up for it!! in 2 months my life was completely focused on this life that was coming into my world!!

Although i had no planned this pregnancy, i had just got around to the idea that i was going to become a mummy!! at the age of 20!! i did feel scared but with the support and love of my partner and family i was getting to the point of being very excited and cudnt wait for the time to pass until i had my baby in my arms!!

i just cant see the light at the end of the tunnel as i am struggling to find any happiness in this really tough time!!

It has been a week and a bit since i found out and since then i have not been able to focus on anything!!! i keep crying all the time and just feel unbelievably sad!

I feel also angry as my partner, feels very strongly about not trying again any time soon as this pregnancy was not planned and he feels too young to become a dad!! some part of me feels that he may feel that this miscarriage was a lucky escape for him!!

Craving for the baby that i have lost i feel the only thing that would make me happy is if i knew that soon i will be trying agen!! and that i will have a baby!! like the one i was supposed to have!!

Does this feeling of sadness, loss and longing for a baby get any easier and does anyone have any idea how i can feel happy again!!!


jo1980crawford - April 13

Hi Laura,
Thank you for your message on my post. At the moment everything is just so raw for you, there seems no light at the end of the tunnel and everyone around you seems to be getting pregnant, day by day things will get easier, i know from experience. I had a twin pregnancy in 2004 and william died at 17 weeks due to jacob taking all the nutrients, william didn't grow as he should. I still think back to what would have been on my due date i should have had 2 babies in my arms, on jacobs first birthday it should have been a joint celebration, taking jacob for his first day at school i should be waving off 2 boys and not just jacob. I think this time it will be no different. My partner and i saw a counsellor as we were lucky enough to be able to afford to go private she told us we had to say goodbye before we could move on and we did and it really helped. We named the baby as well and have plans to visit the same beauty sopt on my due date. Perhaps you could try something like this. (when you feel ready of course)
I know this is harder said than done, but don;t get hung up on getting pregnant again straight away i think its the natural reaction for most women, but another baby will not fill the gap of the angel you have just lost.
Your boyfriend may think he is to young to be a dad but deep down he is probably gutted and saying he doesn't want this as he is scared to death of this happening again and how he will cope, you say that he was a great support when you were coming to terms with being pregnant, this could be his knee jerk reaction to dealing with his loss as well as yours.
Don't feel ashamed for crying you have every right to, take one day at a time rather than thinking of the future it will only remind you of would have been at the minute.
jo xx


mumkat - April 13

hi laura
heres a hug, from somone who knows exactly what youre going through, my thoughts are so with you.x

its only been 3 weeks since i was too told by the hospital my baby was dead , i was 11 weeks pregnant and the scan showed the baby stopped growing at 7wks.
i then had to wait for a week to go in for a d/c as i hadnt miscarried naturally.

i dont cry so much now, but every now and again i break down in to floods of tears, -- i think about how big my baby would of been, i dream about the due date and all the lovely things that come with having a baby,
i have two beautiful children (who i had healthy pregnancies) already so should be grateful, but i feel so depressed.

tried to to return to work yesterday , walked into the office and with 5 mins was walking back out. blubbering like a baby, booked an appointment with the doctors and was signed of with a further 2 weeks and referred to counselling to try and help.
i know its going to take me time to get back to normality, so i am just taking it slow

you see my husbands been fantastic, but he finds it hard to talk and for me to talk to him, he hates the fact i've suffered physically, and doesnt know what to say to comfort me as hes suffering too.

i am just taking it one day at a time, thats all i can do.....all i can say is dont be afraid to cry, cry as much as you want, it does help.....

my thoughts are with you at this sad time, we will get thu this , all of us xx



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