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So low after m/c
2 Replies
Sarahl - August 23

Hello I'm a first time poster. I had my m/c at 9 weeks in July - the baby had stopped growing at 7.5 weeks.

I just can't seem to get over it and its not helped by the fact I have complications - an infection and the bleeding won't stop. I've told my doctor, but to be honest they have not seemed to want to take me seriously to the point that I broke down in the office today. I am so embarrassed and its not helped that I am on a new team and they already think that I'm quiet and not a 'team player'. There is also precious little medical advice on-line, only other people's experiences - its like a taboo subject.

I've been desperately trying to keep it together - we're not telling parents and only a few friends - but I feel isolated. My other half has been great, but while he feels as upset as I do he is able to move on as he does not have the constant reminder every time he goes to the loo. I can also feel him starting to lose patience with me when I break down crying again for the umpteeth time.

Does anyone have any tips for getting over this and moving on? It's getting to the point that I cannot deal with conversations about other people's children, pregnancies and babies.

Any advice would be really appreciated.


SOR - September 9

Hi Sarahl, I'm really sorry for your loss. i don't normally post on forums, but came across your post which is very similar to my situation. I also had a m/c in July at 9 weeks. It had been a troubled preganancy from the start, but at surprising to me, when i thought its not going to work out, things were okay, until the constant spotting turned into a heavy bleed and clots. My baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks too. I returned to work a couple of weeks ago, thinking it was the best course of action, but find it hard to control my emotions. My friends who know about the loss are concerned about me and have advised that i go for counselling, which i think i will do. Everyone keeps telling how sad i look and that want to see the old me back. I want the old me back, but don't know how to get there. I'm taking one day at a time, as that is all i can cope with at the moment. Maybe you should think about counselling, either getting a referal via your doctors or contacting the m/c advisory service who have a counselling service as well.

It's hard talking to friends after a while as you think they must be sick of seeing you upset.

I sincerely hope things get better for you. It will take time and you won't forget.

Take care


sarahl - September 10

Hello SOR

Thanks for responding and I am sorry to hear you have had to go through this too. To be honest I have been seeing a counsellor, but I'm not convinced by how useful she will be. The first session was good as it made me confront the loss of expectation and the feeling I'd let the baby down (as well as the other half), but I think the second session wasn't so much use as on top of grieving I had a healthy dose of PMT and just felt so aggrieved at having had the miscarriage.

I have been off of work for three weeks since the meltdown in the office and I am feeling more like me, but I do still breakdown occasionally. I've had a weekend of being around people as that is what I struggle with. I feel they know what's happened. Stupid I know!

I hope you do go for counselling SOR as it will help and besides they are paid to put up with whatever comes up - like my attitude problem last week. If it doesn't help the perhaps finding something else to distract you would help. I've made a 'wish list' (which includes trying again (ulp!) and I intend to tick these off so that I am not Ailey focussed on getting pregnant and have other things to focus on.

I wish you all the best. Keep in touch if you are struggling SOR. It's an isolating experience so buzz me on the thread if you need to talk.

All the best Sarah xx



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