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Still Suffering...
11 Replies
JessieT - November 9

Hey ladies. So sorry to hear all about your losses. I miscrried in June. So quite a while ago now, and am still feeling very low and sad, as is my partner. I fell pregnant via accident, although had never been happier.
I found out at my 12 weeks scan my babies heartbeat had stopped at 9 weeks. I chose to miscarry naturally. I didnt miscarry till i was 15weeks pregnant. So i spent a lot of time knowing and waiting for it to happen. Docs had told me to come in for D&C or medical managment, but i coundt face any interferience. When it started, i knew something was wrong, i was soaking a pad a minute or even less. I went straight to A&E where my baby was removed via internal examination due to a blood clot. The whole ordeal was the most traumatic expecience.
I hadnt told anyone i was pregnant, let alone was carrying my dead baby for weeks! Me and my partner suffered in silence. The day after hospial my partner broke down to his mother who invited my parents round to talk about what had happend. They where all very sad for us.
6 months later, no one mentions it or anything. Im finding it hard to cope. Even when im busy rushed off my feet at work, im still always crying. My partner is dealing with it in his own way leaving me with no one to talk to. My own parents are always talking about babies and our friends babies and how being a parent is the best thing to happen to you... and im sitting there trying not to cry! My life has been turned upside down. Why is it that no one else on the outside understands??? :( Should i still be feeling like this? I have even got in such a state before iv hurt myself. Which i know is silly, but sometimes i just cant help how upset i get. Knowbody knows how i am feeling. I wanted this baby more than anything. And now my partner dosnt want to try again or until we are 'ready'. I dont know what to do... xxx


mdavisdancer9 - November 14

I am so sorry for your loss. But I know exactly what you are going through.I miscarried last month and my bf doesn't want to try again either. I too got pregnant by accident and me and my partner were so excited when we found out. We thought it was the best news we had ever heard. When I went in for my first ultrasound the doc told me that I was measuring 12 weeks pregnant but my baby had no heartbeat. They also wanted me to have a d&c but I just couldn't bare it. So I miscarried it on my own and I have been depressed ever since. Like you no one around me considers how I feel when other people's babies or pregnancies are mentioned. They all think I should just get over my feelings and move on. But you and I both know it is not that easy.

I wonder if you blame yourself sometimes like I do? There are times when I wonder..."What if I had found out I was pregnant earlier?" "Would I still be pregnant now if I had?" I just can't seem to let my feelings go and I am glad I found someone who is having the same issues.


queenA - November 15

Hi ladies,

Im very sorry for your loss. Uno at first wen i came on this site i noticed that most posts were months ago n was wondering who would respond to mine. Its been almost 2 months nw for me. Most people didnt no but the few who knew coukd care lass right now. I lost my baby at 8 weeks and my doc says well at least it was early and u didnt get to feel the baby kick n stuff. N i just, I still blame myself too for not being excited at first n then wen i did get excited and had so many plans hes just gone uno.

Ive had my cylce 2 weeks ago n i feel my stomach bloated and just have this longing feeling to be pregnant again. sigh.

we'll get through this ladies. we deserve to.


maybebaby - January 7

You girls are so brave, i lost mine 29 Sept, was about 11 weeks along, first pregnancy, also no heartbeat, had the d&c and the moment i woke i felt "empty". I lost my fiance the same week. I feel like my world has gone from perfect to a nightmare. I still cry, have trouble concentrating, I used to be so positive but all i can think of lately is giving up. The nurse in the hospital said "He blessed u once, he will bless you again..." We have to hold onto that. Lots of love, stay strong. x


Bellerose - January 15

Hey ladies

I lost my baby at 10 weeks, I was bleeding, went to the ER and the first time I saw my baby on the ultrasound, was the moment the doctor said its heartbeat was going too slow and that it was going to die. It was so hard: seeing its heartbeat light up once in a while, as if alive, but knowing it were its last heartbeats. That just hurts soooo much. The thought that I don't even have a picture of that ultrasound but the file in the hospital now contains one .... ooh. Worst thing at that moment was thinking I wanted it out, although I loved the baby. I feel so guilty, because although me and my partner wanted a baby and I was pregnant immediately, after I heard the good news, I was more concerned about how it would affect my life. I hated being pregnant, had terrible bad moods and didn't connect with my baby. But then it died and I felt so horrible. In the hospital I couldn' stop crying. I was screaming and they had to calm me down. I just feel gutted, it's been three months. We started trying again, but no good news, every time I have my period now, it all comes back: the sadness, the anger. You can't believe how angry I am all the time. I have this anger inside me, like 'I don't deserve this'. It so incredibly unfair. Every time I have my period now it's double unfair: I am not pregnant with a new baby +I normally would be pregnant now, if not for that unfair fate. I also hate the fact you don't get anything in return. Life is not ying yang. I just don't understand, especially when I see friends being pregnant. I get so jealous, I am avoiding them. I thought I was fine, but it's as if it's another scar of life. I never wanted this, I never thought it could happen to me. Why can't I just forget this? I don't like the idea that this is something that ll stick with me. I don't want this pain to be a part of my life. I wish it never happened. Will the pain ever go away? I wish this could be erased: it just hurts so much.


EMMAL80 - January 28

Hi all, i miscarried in October, i was only 8 weeks pregnant but i was so excited. i have 5 friends due in March, and in the past six months another 4 friends have had babies. so basically everyone around me is either about to drop or already has a baby. I am so happy for all my friends and i am not jealous but i feel incredibly sad for me. I have tried to fall pregnant since my first period in november and i get myself all worked up thinking i am and then come crashing down when i come on. Before i was pregnant i was a head strong rational person that rarely cried. I now cry all the time. i am an emotional wreck. No one knows what to say to me and when they do generally its the wrong thing. I KNOW I WILL FALL PREGNANT AGAIN!!!! but that doesn't stop the pain i am going through now. people tell me not to think about it but how can i when i pee on a stock for days!
found out yesterday i am not ovulating so this is going to set me back even further. I thought i had just messed up with the stick but no!
my hubby tells me it is because i am stressed and yes i am but i am desperate to be pregnant and i can't stop thinking about it, i am surrounded by bumbs and babies.
i look on forums a lot and seek solance in other peoples messages, i feel less alone. this is the first time i have written on one.
I hope all the ladies who are trying again have success soon, i know how you feel :-(


Sunnysmiles - February 1

Hey Jessie and all you lovely ladies,

I two have had losses (2 now) and seek solace in these boards and I can talk to my family and friends if I need to but without them having been through it themselves I feel they can not quite comfort in the way I need them too.

I was thinking about your situation though Jessie and wondering if this is something you can't talk about with your family because it is a taboo subject or because you just haven't and now it feels to awkward to bring it up?

Maybe you could write to them to let them know you need to talk and need them to listen and offer any advice or support they may have. I read a book called One Minute for yourself which I find useful not just for when I have lost but just for life in general. It highlighted to me that sometimes we need things from our loved ones but they don't always know. Maybe that is because we are so good at covering up our feelings or maybe because they are not so good at reading us. It talks about letting people know what we need or expect from them and that way they can try to meet those needs and we in turn feel less alone or frustrated.

I don't know if it will help you but I found it useful and at the moment whilst I am struggling it's popped into my head again.

You need to talk though and if this is helping this is fine. If not the Miscarriage support people might be able to help.

Don't be alone Jessie because I am sure those people around you want to love you when you need them.

Love and Hugs


anderson111 - February 4

i am so sorry for your loss its very disturbing but everybody move ahead with tears.


JMA28 - February 14

I too feel your pain. I have had two miscarriages in the past and at the time and for months afterwards there is a void inside you that cannot be filled. My first miscarriage I bled for 6 weeks before I finally lost the baby. I would have been 18 weeks pregnant and the pain was really bad, I was scarred and didn't know what the hell was going on. I went on to have a child after having some tests done, but you still feel the loss even though you have a child.
We tried again and once again I started to bleed while visiting family away. I went to A&E to be told that I wasn't pregnant and nothing could be seen on the scan. My husband and I asked for a second opinion and said we would go home for this.
We went to see our own midwife who did a scan and said that the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks and I was 12 weeks along - they called this a missed abortion which freaked me out as this was most definatley not an abortion on my part! I was advised to have a D&C and all I can remember was crying and wishing the baby to be alive as they put me under the anaesthetic.
My husband and I were sent to councilling which really helped us talk it through with others in the same situation and 'grieve' for our loss. You do need to grieve and feel your loss, but I tell you now that you will get over this and move on with your lives.
I tried to conceive again, but it was difficult and it took some time and effort (putting cushions underneath my bottom and tipping my pelvis, helping nature take it's course) and it worked for me and some people I recommended it too.

You all need to be open about your feelings and get some councilling as it really helps you. Please don't ever feel like you are failures, I know I did, but when your emotions are shot and you are all over the place it happens. Don't beat yourselves up, you couldn't have done anything different that would have made the outcome any different, but guilt is something you will feel because you are only human, and what do we do best? we knock and blame ourselves for everything.

I did go on to have two lovely children, but they were bloody hard work to have and keep. Try and relax and takes things a step at a time, you WILL eventually be in a better place to cope with life, deal with things and move on to the next.

Good luck, and pillows under bums or feet on walls for all of you when you are ready to try again. - July 14

To the beautiful women on this page I'm so sorry for your losses. My daughter who is 28 lost her first baby January 31 2012 one of the saddest days of our lives~It's been almost 6 months now and my sweetheart is still in termoil I finally stopped putting her to sleep(she lives with her husband) about 40 days ago. To see her heartache on a daily basis is very difficult. Once glowing full of life wonderful daughter loving daughter is crumbling right before my eyes. My fear is loosing her I don't know what to do any more. I will be there at any given moment that doesn't bother me one bit I fear her giving up on herself the blame the shame the why mama the hundreds of pregnancy tests only to find out she is not pregnant. She lost her long black hair her self worth her reason to live. I pray always for our good Lord to comfort her I will never give up! Those around her(us) really never acknowledge her loss or dont have time to hear whats on her mind how shes feeling or the fact she lost her child my grandchild. She has only been out her house a hand full of times since Jan. I try to keep her going the best I can. Grieving can really rip a person apart and there is no set time on grief everybody is different. I'm thankful I found this website I will pass it on to her just another outlet where she can see she is not the only one that cant stop thinking 24/7 about her little love~ what she would of looked like how she would dress her how she would comb her every little detail. The crying the pregnancy tests the feelings that she is experiencing are normal for a woman who has lost her baby and that she is not crazy. To all you beautiful woman who have lost your babies please stay strong its okay to cry and reach out. Try not to break yourselves down remember you are beautiful and I pray one day you will be blessed withother children one day as I pray for my daughter. One moment at a time~


funkydiva74 - July 18

Hi All,

I guess i'm on here as i just can't cope. Everything is bottled up although i feel constantly tearful it is so hard to hold it all together. After my 5th recurrent miscarriage i finally feel beat down. I have no drive everything is an effort and i feel as though my time is running out. I had a healthy baby boy in 2004 but since then i've not been able to carry to term.

My first miscarriage i was told was a missed miscarriage - turns out this was not the case! After a d&c i then passed the foetus 3 months later. That was traumatic as i had no idea what was going on went to the out of hours doctor and he told me it was polyp. On the one had you just know but on the other you are glad someone has given you an answer. Thank god we took pictures as it was confirmed as a feotus. My 2nd miscarriage was identical twins - i lost one the day before my birthday and one 5 days later!! After that it just didn't happen. I then lost another Jan 2010 but was only 5 weeks. Did not fall pregnant again until September 30th 2011 lost it again in November. I then fell pregnant in April and was being scanned every 2 weeks from 6 weeks onwards. It wasn't until i was going for my 10 and a 1/2 week scan (which was the day before we were going away) and i was told my baby had died. We did go away as we felt this was the best option i'm glad we did because i did not start to bleed until the day we arrived back (when i would have been 12 weeks) and ended up in hospital for 3 days. I had to pass my baby and it was sent for testing - am waiting for results.

I feel like a ticking time bomb at the moment and cannot seem to get past this. I know i have a healthy 8 year old boy but this only emphasies the ache inside me. I am so scared i will lose him and then i'll have nothing. I can't help these thought popping into my head and it is killing me. I suppose because i am 38 this november i am just conscious of time running out and producing more bad eggs. Even if i did manage to fall pregnant how on earth could i relax throughout pregnancy as every twinge etc would have me heading to the hospital.

I feel so alone and that i am gradually losing my mind!


vangervengirl - November 5

Hi you all..

I had a miscarriage a year ago.. I went for an echo on 12 weeks, but the foetus stopped growing at 8. The pregnancy wasn't really planned, since I was taking birth control pills, but I felt so blessed, and was so happy.. Now I just feel so sad and angry, losing it..

My boyfriend back then, didn't wanted me with a baby, so we broke up, so couldn't talk about it with him. And everyone else just said to get over it.. And that it was no big deal.. Only my mother 'understood' me at the beginning,, then she thought I was already over it.. But I wasn't, and I'm still not clearly.. I just feel so alone, can't talk to anyone about this.. Nobody understands it.. It's just so hard.

So, it's quite nice reading what you've all been through,, Because now I know I'm not crazy for still being so sad..
I just had a early miscarriage again.. And the first one just comes up over and over again..I want to tell my boy, but don't want to push or scare him away, since I only cry when I think about it, or talk about it.. This whole forum I was crying and crying while reading things from others..

Just to read the emotions you've all been through, and I've been through. It's hard. And even harder not talking about it with someone.. I just want to be 'normal' again.. Not cry myself to sleep almost every night.
Anyway,, I hope this forum helps me a bit.. Not feeling so alone anymore..



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