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11 Replies
ally_2802 - November 22

Hi all, it's been comforting reading some of your posts on other message boards, so thank you.

I had a termination of a missed miscarriage this last Friday. Initially, I was going into the hospital for a termination due to my mental health. I thought it odd that when the doctor scanned me, he dated me at three weeks behind what I thought I should have been. I also thought it odd that he booked me to have my first tablet that day and to come in to have the second tablets 48 hours later. In my ignorance, I thought he was just being efficient. It wasnt until I went in on Friday when the student midwife booking me in asked me if having the missed miscarriage was a suprise! I told her I thought I was in to have a medical termination, and was informed that the consultant had written missed miscarriage on my paperwork. Looking back, I had classic symptoms of a missed misscarriage, loss of pregnancy symptoms, spotting and cramps, but I convinced myself that it was stretching pains and that I was just being really lucky with the sickness this time about. I have three young children already, and I trust none of you are judgemental as to why I chose to have a termination, however, now I know I had a missed miscarriage I am struggling ten fold to cope with the feeling of loss. When I passed the pregnancy at the hospital, it was not painful, mild cramps only and I saw my baby in the bed pan after I had been sat on the toilet. I said my good byes and had a little cry of course. I am not sure if my hormones are making me extra teary, but the fact that I know my baby had died before has really really hit me. I am sure the consultant decided not to tell me the baby was already dead to save me the upset, I can understand that to know that would help others cope better, me, it has had the opposite effect. I feel fine one minute, then am crying the next. Physically I am fine. Do any of you have any coping strategies? I've had loss in my life, but never of a child and this grief is a new feeling to me.

I wish you all the best of luck ladies, be kind to yourselves. You deserve to be.



ginger - November 22

i'm sorry for the loss ally. coping with the loss is really hard and it is a case to case basis. as for now you can deal with grief first and don't pressure yourself on moving on. it will take time. hope you'll be ok.


dorriesmith - November 26

Quite the same situation as my first miscarriage with regards to coping up. I had several mcs and I am like getting to use to the pain and emotional struggle. I still have the longing for the baby but I can't do anything about it. Hope things will be ok with you.


Honeydee - December 8

Sorry for the late reply here but I just want to share what I am feeling now. I am also struggling for better pregnancy, a healthy pregnancy and a happy marriage.


NanciH - December 8

I feel for you Honeydee. We can't also avoid having problem with our marriage this pregnancy problem.


Honeydee - December 8

Yeah, we almost argue each time we talk about the baby and the loss topic.


NanciH - December 8

You should try to talk it over in a way that both of you will understand and compromise to help and comfort each other.


Honeydee - December 8

That is easy to say but as I've said when we talk we just argue and start a fight.


Hoklner_wise - December 14

Well if you don't talk it over then it will remain to be unresolved and as time pass it will be very difficult to handle the situation.


Kirsten - December 14

Sometimes problem with pregnancy loss will result to conflict between the couple. It is the most difficult part in the situation. It can destroy relationships so moms we should avoid such conflicts. Try to save your relationship.


CryingTime - December 14

I am thankful we don't reach to such conflict. I think it will greatly depend on your trust and love for each other that no matter what the challenges that might come to you, both of you will face it together.


Kirsten - December 14

That's good because it will just worsen the problem and instead of dealing with the conflict you can together make another effort of trying again.



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