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haven't told him yet. Herpes
20 Replies
june6z - September 28

i'm sad and i need some advice..don't know where else to go. I have been seeing my boyfriend now for 3 months and I have yet to tell him that I have Herpes.


Vance2335 - September 28

how did u get it? is it from him? have u been sexually active with him?


june6z - September 28

We have not been sexually active, marriage has been talked about and we both agreed that we could wait until then...we are not engaged or anything, it's just been talked about that we are not going to have sex until we make that next commitment to each other which is marriage. the reason i haven't told him is... i feel that since i haven't slept with him my personal business is mine and when i eventually and totally trusted him and felt that the time was right if it even lasted this long then i would eventually tell him...i'm just so used to it not working out with men not b/c of Herpes but just in general, i wanted to give it time and see if it actually worked between us b4 i told him about my medical history...and it's working and i'm in love with him as he is me, but he doesn't know about the Herpes...confused and sad, he's outta town right not and all i can do is think about it...i feel as if i've been lieing to him... need some advice?


Oblivion - September 28

In my opinion, you should discuss with your partner this matter as soon as possible.


bluechick - September 28

If he is in love with you, as you mentioned, you might break his heart and it is not fair.


ginger - September 28

The sooner you have the talk, the better


Hype - September 29

In any case, if you decide to postpone discussing with him, PLEASE do tell him BEFORE being physically with him.


primecast - September 29

As you might know, condoms are not very effective in the case of Herpes.


heatherlynn22 - September 29

it is not fair to destroy his life too - he does NOT deserve it. Good luck!


june6z - September 29

THANKS...I would never sleep with him before telling him. I know I need to soon.. just trying to figure out the best way to go about it without it sounding so gross and horrible to him..i just gotta get my facts straight and most of all the courage to tell him.


barnbabe - September 29

With all due respect to "primecast" I believe your information is misguided. Condoms are in fact quite protective against herpes, IIRC it is greater than a 50% decrease in risk using condoms and could be much higher than that.


gyntops - September 30

The risk of female-to-male sex when the woman has herpes, without the use of condoms or suppressive medication, is something like 5% per year. That's not a high risk. When condoms are used, you decrease that risk by about 50%, or more, so now you're down to about 2.5% per year, with condoms. Add antiviral suppression to that mix, and you decrease it even more.


watchit - September 30

Herpes isn't nearly serious enough to warrant an asinine comment like "you wouldn't want to destroy his life too." Herpes is a completely treatable and liveable condition that should not in any way interfere with any otherwise healthy, loving relationship.


blingking - October 1

You should obviously talk to him about this before you have sexual contact, but I can assure you that if he truly cares for you, then he is going to accept you and love you just the same.


DYNAvent - October 1

I have had genital herpes for 4 years and have been honest and up front about it with all of my girlfriends, and I have never been turned down because of it.


Oblivion - October 2

Be strong, keep your head up and know that if your relationship is meant to be, then everything will be just fine and having herpes will not get in the way of that.


fitfulNESS - October 2

What a great response. I too have had H-2 for a number of years and have had two partners since contracting it, neither of which was concerned. (The current [H-] partner wants to stop using condoms, which I'm not comfortable with yet, but we'll see.)



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